Letter to Myself

Dear Self,

I am writing to you tell you about something that

I know you’ve been wondering about for some time now…

Make sure you grab a seat before reading further

And remember to take a deep breath.

 

I’ve been cheating on you with him:

The better version of me

The everything that you’ve consistently failed to be

 

It should come as no surprise to you

That for as long as we’ve been together,

I’ve micromanaged our relationship

So that I can make you more like him

So that I don’t have to feel guilty about the fact

That you may never even come close to being

The man that I always dreamed I would be

 

I made you take ballroom dance lessons

Even though I think you have two left feet

Because I thought it would help you understand

How to lead with vision and certainty

When most guys would be content to just know how to knot a tie

I made you learn that Duke of Windsor never knotted a Full Windsor

Despite my best efforts, you’re still not funny in a hilarious sort of way

 

I know we’ve always had a weird relationship

Some days, I feel like the best friend you can say anything to

Other days, I feel like your father

Constantly trying to get you do things I know you hate

Just because I think it will make you a better person

But all you want to do is be the kid you used to be

When life was so much simpler and the world seemed a lot less chaotic

 

I know it’s hard sometimes

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’ve kept him on a pedestal

And that I expect you to be able to live up to this figment of my imagination

Sometimes, I get the feeling that you think I hate you,

But for whatever it’s worth, it’s quite the opposite

 

I’m only hard on you because

It takes years of pressure to make a diamond from coal

Give me a chance to show you that it’s worth it

I apologize if I’ve made you feel inadequate

Because honestly, you’re the best part of me

 

Sincerely,

 

Your Reflection

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